stammering

Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s no small task.

Here are 14 guiding principles:

1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task. Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal of important, mindful work - and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The first step is to accept that fact- and to embrace the role of parent as one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.

2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important…that doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a magnificent adventure- not simply a hassle filled with laundry and dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.

3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and attention.

4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits. If you want your kids to be healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you’ll need to live that way, too. Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring, kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a volunteer project a few hours a month.

5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.

6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make sure to let them know - through your words and behavior - that you care about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to learn from your child.

7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children, including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view. Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.

8. Don’t label your kids - even when those labels sound harmless. Try not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get there.

9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.

10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends over.

11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children come near you.

12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook, or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories that you treasure. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to make up stories and tell them aloud - or create illustrated books to share.

13. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can count on for their entire lives.

All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind. If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.

Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.

Through my research and personal experience, I’ve found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:

» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are “Needy” And “Insecure”

Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man’s “Insecurity Alert” and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?

Sadly, even confident women often “accidentally” give off one of these signs… and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.

As you read through these signals men pick up on as “needy” and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:

* Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends.

Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around “baggage” that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.

* Speaking negatively about other women.

When women call other women names like “slut”, “bitch”, and “crazy”, it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.

* Too much physical contact, especially in public.

If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he’ll start to see it as clingy behavior… but you’ll never hear about this from him. It’s far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious… and it’s important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.

But before I show you how to do that, let’s talk about mistake #2:

» Mistake #2: Appealing To His “Sexual” Side Instead Of His Emotional Side

Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone… and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.

Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man’s mind… and keep them connected.

Men are out for far more than just sex… and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man’s heart… and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I’ll show you how you can learn to do just that…

» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man’s “Relationship Potential”

A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.

Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.

When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts… leading us to overlook potential partner’s deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.

It’s important to be able to size a guy up and spot any “warning signs” of a future bad relationship FAST… so you don’t waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn’t right for you… or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I’d like to show you how…

Have you ever wondered “what is the secret to a long and happy marriage?”
These secrets to a happy marriage come straight from the horse’s mouth — those who are happily married!

Never assume.

Compliment more than you criticize.

For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.

Remember that it is ok to do things differently (e.g. there is more than one way to peel a potato or fold the laundry).

Always make time for the two of you.

Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.

Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns.

Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their mother/father.

Be fair! Split the housework, spending money, etc evenly. This way you are never resentful of your partners contributions (or lack of) or expenditures.

Never go to bed angry. (Unless it’s 3a.m. and you’re exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)

Remember that people do fight. It’s how you do it that matters.

Before starting an argument, consider if it’s really worth it.

Agree to disagree.

Never, ever mention the “D” word (divorce).

Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?

Respect each other’s privacy.

Remember that “love is like childhood. You need to learn to share.”

Marriage is not 50/50, it’s two people giving 100/100 all of the time.

Surprise each other now and then.

The secret to a happy marriage is two TV’s!

Have date night!

Never pass up an opportunity to say “I love you”.

Hold hands.

Hug & kiss every day (several times a day actually!).

Always believe that you got better than you deserved.

Be quick to say “I’m sorry”.

Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.

Love isn’t always a feeling, it’s a decision.

Hang in there. It’s worth it.

Play nice, play often, love much.

Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public.

Never keep secrets from each other.

Be each other’s champion. No matter what, take your husband or wife’s side first!

Communication is the key!

Always respect each other.

Never underestimate the power of a good belly-laugh and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.

It’s the little things that matter most.

Never use the words ‘Always’ and ‘Never’ in a fight.

It’s ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger.

Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside.

Don’t make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!

I came across a list titled: “48 Tips to a Happy Marriage”. I thought that they are worth mentioning and maybe exploring. I wonder how much of these are followed by couples in our society and do they find them relevant and applicable?
Since I am still single; I will comment about each one from my own perspective and state what I think about it; by that; I am not dictating or promoting anything, I am just thinking in the form of writing.

The list goes as follows; if you become bored while going through them, stop and come back later because I found them very interesting and I am hoping you will do too:

1. Start each day with a kiss ~ I think this one is not that hard; on the contrary; it can be healthy and nice.

2. Wear your wedding ring at all times ~ most couples do wear the ring, however; their reasons might vary, so as long as they think of it as a sign of their commitment to their spouses, then they are on the safe side.

3. Date once a week ~ I believe this one is very healthy; maybe not as often as once a week, let’s say every other week or that a date can be inside your home and that you don’t have to go somewhere fancy to have it, you get the idea, right?

4. Accept differences ~ No one is perfect. However; healthy arguments are good for the relationship, hence; the most important thing would be learning how to compromise with one another.

5. Be polite ~ Please, thank you, you are welcome… these are not only meant for strangers; your own spouse and family should come first and you must always use these phrases inside your home.

6. Be gentle ~ a person is supposed to be the closest to his/her spouse, being gentle is crucial to keep them close enough or they will find that comfort elsewhere.

7. Give gifts ~ nice small gifts are appreciated every once in a while

8. Smile often ~ I would say: Smile Always because it is contagious and you are more likely to be smiled at when you show your teeth more often!!

9. Touch ~ intimacy between married people is very important and touching is a means of communication that reflects closeness, connection and love; it is your way of keeping the spark alive.

10. Talk about dreams ~ dreams of the future that is; if you don’t share your dreams with your spouse; then who?

11. Select a song that can be “our song” ~ this sounds like a cliché, but it can be nice, don’t you think?

12. Give back rubs ~ this means: be comforting both mentally and physically and if you don’t know how to give back rubs and massages; it is time to learn!

13. Laugh together ~ laughter is like smiling and as they say: it is medicine. When you share good laughs together; the fun grows in the relationship and you grow closer and stronger every day.

14. Send a card for no reason ~ another cliché? Maybe, but everyone likes to receive a nice “I love you” or “I miss you” notes every once in a while; it does boost one’s ego, doesn’t it?

15. Do what the other person wants before he or she asks ~ of course; you need to know your spouse so well to be able to do this one. I guess this comes with time as you grow to know each other but seek to get that knowledge; don’t assume that it will come to you!

16. Listen ~ this could be the most important one ever, but note that you should listen with empathy and not just hear what they are saying; you should get involved.

17. Encourage ~ positive support and being there for one another is also very important; seek their support and give them yours and be generous!

18. Do it his or her way ~ sometimes; you need to do things their way just to show how much you love them and respect their feelings.

19. Know his or her needs ~ what good is a spouse if he/she does not know the needs of their significant others? This should be your primary concern!

20. Compliment twice a day ~ everyone likes to hear something nice as a compliment; so give them that when it is due. It should not be literally twice but don’t be extreme by not giving at all or giving too much; just say something nice when you can.

21. Fix the other person’s breakfast ~ it doesn’t have to be breakfast in bed though!

22. Call during the day ~ but don’t over do it and be obsessed with calling him/her. Give them their space but also show them that you think of them by a 2-minutes phone call saying “how are you doing?”

23. Slow down ~ and don’t jump to conclusions; always give the benefit of the doubt and wait to hear them out.

24. Cuddle ~ yes; intimacy is very important and reflects love and deep feelings.

25. Ask for each others’ opinion ~ absolutely; whose opinion would you seek if not your spouse’s? Your decisions will reflect both your lives and not only your own, so their opinion is important for you to make the right move.

26. Show respect ~ all the time; whether you are alone or among others. Showing respect is more important than showing love.

27. Welcome the other person home ~ show enthusiasm when they come home and greet them; this means that you are happy because they are home now and that you were waiting for them!

28. Look your best ~ I understand that this is not easy to implement since we face different situations all day long, however; it does count that you make the effort to look your best every once in a while just for their sake and not only because you are going out or expecting guests, get the point?

29. Wink at each other ~ another cliché? Probably, but it can be any other gesture like smiling their way across the room or dining table, or holding their hand for a minute, just anything that appeals to both of you.

30. Celebrate birthdays in a big way ~ this does not mean a big party; just show them you care about their personal occasions.

31. Apologize ~ and don’t be too stubborn to admit that you made a mistake, because apologizing can clear things between you and allows you to move on from the conflict in a healthy manner.

32. Forgive ~ from the heart and not only in words; forgive them and mean it.

33. Set up a romantic getaway ~ this sounds like fun every once in a while; no harm in that!

34. Ask, “What can I do to make you happier?” ~ in other words; communicate and keep it going, because one’s needs might change along the way, and what they used to like a couple of years ago might not be appealing to them now; so make sure you ask them what does make them happy and do it.

35. Be positive ~ even when it is a negative era of your lives; always try to show the full half of the cup.

36. Be kind ~ and nice.

37. Be vulnerable ~ let those guards down and show your true colors.

38. Respond quickly to the other person’s request ~ show them that you are doing this because you care for them the most.

39. Talk about your love ~ again; communicate. Always tell them as well as show them how much you love them and how happy you are because of having them in your lives.

40. Treat each others’ friends and relatives with courtesy ~ even if you don’t like their family and/or friends, you treat them with respect and courtesy for the sake of your spouse; they deserve that much.

41. Send flowers every Valentine’s Day and anniversary ~ or just for the sake of it; flowers can say a lot on your behalf.

42. Admit when wrong ~ don’t be too arrogant to say it.

43. Be sensitive to each other’s sexual desires ~ more importantly; understand these desires and keep the communication going.

44. Pray for each other daily ~ and do it from the heart.

45. Watch sunsets together ~ just share such moments together; it does not have to be sunset; it can be anything else.

46. Say “I love you” frequently ~ don’t assume that they know you love them; everyone likes to hear it, so say it!

47. End the day with a hug ~ show closeness and again; intimacy.

48. Seek outside help when needed ~ if you reach a point when you feel that you cannot solve the problem alone; seek the help of someone you both trust before giving up, or go for professional help as a last resort. Never feel ashamed of that; seeking help is a lot better than giving up and doing your very best to solve your issues. You owe it to yourself and to them to do that.

(As told by Ketki Dave)

Jade Goody is a vivacious person. She’s full of life and has a positive approach towards life. She’s always laughing, and is a funny person.

When she first came to the house, she made friends with all of us and also talked about her Big Brother experience. She said it was a small fight that was blown out of proportion. Because of that, everyone had a very bad impression of her. She had come to India to change her image.

She talked about her boyfriend and showed us pictures of her two boys.

We would all listen to her stories. But I never asked her personal questions. Goody and Sambhavana Seth were very close to each other. I think even Payal Rohatgi to a certain extent.

All of us would talk to her in English except Ehsaan Qureshi and Ashutosh Kaushik because they were not comfortable speaking in English. She learnt a few Hindi words. It was funny when she spoke in Hindi because of her accent. It was tough for her to even pronounce names like Ashutosh but she would try.

She didn’t cook in the house but loved everything that we cooked. She was fond of Indian food. She loved methi ka sabzi, dal and chapatis. In fact, the chapatis were her favourite. She also learnt to eat food with her hand.

Once, she tried to sweep the floor. But she got a backache because she is not used to our way of cleaning.

She did not use any make up, except for lip gloss. She had already come with makeup — like lipstick and eyeliner — which would last a few months.

The day Bigg Boss broke the news to her about her cervical cancer, she was inconsolable. She was crying continuously. It took her some time to tell us about her illness. All of us were shocked because she looked fine. She left the next day. We all consoled her, and gave her hope. She left in the hope that she would get cured.

After she went back to UK, I did not try to call her because I read in the newspapers that she was fine and was undergoing chemotherapy. And then, suddenly I read that she was critical and wanted to film her death on a reality show. She wanted to earn money to make her kids’ future secure. I am trying to reach her; I want to wish her all the best.

Jade Goody shot to fame with her tirade against Shilpa Shetty in the British reality show Big Brother. But we saw a very different Goody when she participated in its desi version, called Bigg Boss.

We saw a vivacious and energetic 27-year-old, and loving mother of two — Bobby, five and Freddie, four. Unfortunately, the show caught a personal moment in her life when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

Since then, Goody has been counting her days, and trying to save up to give her kids a secure future. She wed Jack Tweed, and gave OK! Magazine the exclusive pictures rights for ?750,000. She’s also got her own reality show on the Virgin Media-owned Living TV.

Some of her Bigg Boss house-mates look back at the time she spent with them, and offer hope and prayers.

The Board of Control for Cricket in India’s patience finally ran out, forcing it to shift the second season of the Indian Premier league out of India.

BCCI president Shashank Manohar said it was because of the attitude of the government that they were forced to take the decision.

“Because of the attitude of the government that they are not ready to spare security forces for the cricket tournament… we are forced to take the decision to move the event out of India,” Manohar told newspersons in Mumbai on Sunday.

IPL commissioner Lalit Modi tried his level best to convince the Home Ministry that they would take care of the security, but the government turned down the offer saying the Lok Sabha polls take precedence over cricket.

Finally, after days of hectic negotiations and re-working the schedule more than 40 times, Modi decided enough was enough!

While the government did not want to take chances with the security after the attack by gunmen on Sri Lankan cricketers in Lahore, it also lost a lot of revenue and a chance to show that the country is a safe place to host sports events, keeping in mind next year’s Commonwealth Games.

The BCCI also apologised to fans, saying the government had left them with no other option. It made it clear that a lot of money was at stake and the Board along with the franchises and broadcasters could not afford to lose so much.

The city based-model of the tournament was created with a view to create fan loyalty, with each team playing home and away matches. But with the tournament shifting out of the country, that concept has been rendered meaningless and it would be interesting to see how fans in some other country react to supporting teams from cities like Mumbai, Punjab or Kolkata.

Who do you blame for depriving Indian fans of the high-octane action in the IPL, which was a mega success in its first year?

Do you think the BCCI acted sensibly by shifting the tournament out of India? Is the Home Ministry right in not allowing the IPL to be held in middle of the elections?

The second season of the Indian Premier League will be held outside India, the Board of Control for Cricket in India announced in Mumbai on Sunday.

The BCCI’s decision to shift the tournament out of the country came at an emergency meeting comprising its office-bearers and the eight franchise owners in Mumbai.

IPL commissioner Lalit Modi said the timing of the matches would remain the same, with the first game scheduled at 1600 IST and next at 2000, no matter which venue they will be played at.

Basically, it would mean that the Twenty20 tournament, scheduled to be held between April 10 and May 24, would essentially become a television event.

South Africa and England are being talked about as possible venues but the BCCI is still in talks with other boards to finalise the venue.

“We will let you know about the new venue in two or three days,” BCCI president Shashank Manohar said.

The BCCI made it clear that the last straw that made them decide to shift the venue out of India was the last-minute reversal of stand by Maharashtra and Andhra Pradesh governments, which had earlier given clearance for the tournament.

“The BCCI is not in a position to either play a truncated IPL or cancel the second edition of the IPL. It is a matter of great regret that, in the prevailing atmosphere, where the government is expressing concern for providing security to the IPL matches, the BCCI is left with no other option but to conduct the Indian Premier League in another country,” the BCCI said in a statement.

Manohar also made it clear that the BCCI does not expect the franchises to oppose the decision.

He also apologised to cricket fans in India, saying they were left with no other option but to shift the tournament out of the country.

“It is pertinent to understand that within the present international calendar of events, there is no other window for IPL to be played during this year.

“As it stands, immediately after conclusion of the IPL on 24th May 2009, the teams have to assemble in England on 25th May 2009 for the ICC Twenty20 World Cup, commencing from 2nd June 2009.

“Immediately after the conclusion of ICC Twenty20 World Cup, the Indian team will be leaving for West Indies to play 4 ODIs after which, the team will tour Zimbabwe for a tri-series involving India, Zimbabwe and South Africa,” the BCCI added.

Terminally ill British television reality star Jade Goody died in her sleep in the wee hours on Sunday, her publicist Max Clifford announced.

Goody, 27, who was diagnosed with cervical cancer in August last year, is survived by her two sons Freddy and Bobby and husband Jack Tweed.

The dental nurse died at home in Upshire, Essex, UK, after a very public battle with the disease. She shot into fame as a Big Brother contestant in 2002. She also participated in the Indian version of Big Brother, called Bigg Boss. It was here that she learnt that she had the dreaded disease.

From being brought up in a small house in southeast London to becoming one of the most hated-turned-loved persons in Britain, Shilpa Shetty’s bete noire in Big Brother, Goody always lived her life for the cameras.

Born as Jade Cerisa Lorraine Goody on June 5, 1981, her mother Jackiey Budden raised her as a single parent after her father left them when she was just two years old. Goody had openly spoken about her troubled childhood and her struggle to get an education saying that her poverty-ridden early days prompted her to secure a better future for her sons from a relationship with television presenter Jeff Brazier.